Dealing with the loss of a precious baby? Wondering how you will ever feel hope and true joy again? Pull up a chair and let’s chat, sweet sister. You see, when it comes to miscarriages, I’m sort of an expert at this point. As I write this, I’m recovering from a D & C from my 6th miscarriage. Over the past ten years, I’ve experienced the loss of a baby 6 times, which has given me plenty of opportunities to seek out Biblical truth when it comes to processing loss.
I want you to know that an indescribable peace and a sincere joy are not out of reach. They are very near. I’m going to share 4 truths that have held me up during times of loss. The Holy Spirit has used these 4 truths in powerful ways to help lift my eyes to the hills and refocus on eternal truths from God’s word. I want to share them with you.
Truth #1: God is always good and great is His faithfulness.
We must start our conversation right here at His unwavering goodness. God is good and GREAT is His faithfulness. Always. Always, always.
Just last week when the ultra-sound tech told me she could not find a heartbeat for my baby, the words from Psalm 100 immediately flooded my mind. “The Lord is good, His love is eternal, and His faithfulness endures through all generations.” No, that moment didn’t FEEL good, but that moment didn’t change God’s goodness. As I meditated on that verse, I felt God’s presence with me, upholding me. It was a solid truth that I could cling to as I prepared to wade through another pregnancy loss.
When we remember God’s love for us AND His love for our unborn babies, we remember that He’s our refuge. He’s our safest place as the stormy waters approach us. We can trust that He will equip us, and that God’s mercy will carry us through. Remember the words from Lamentations 3, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Truth #2: Your baby has a purpose. And God’s purposes can never be thwarted.
Sometimes we are tempted to think that there must have been some kind of mistake that led to our miscarriage. Maybe we fear it was something we did or something we neglected to do. Or maybe some well-meaning friend told you that your baby probably had some deformity or disability or health issue. Or maybe family members suggested that you weren’t supposed to have a baby at all.
People say the strangest things when a loss occurs, so we must circle back to the truth. And the truth is God makes no mistakes. His purposes can never be thwarted. There are many Bible verses that speak to God’s will, but let’s look at a few.
Psalm 139:16 makes it clear that your baby was SEEN and KNOWN and PLANNED. It says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Further, your baby was formed in the womb by the Creator of the universe. And that Creator makes no mistakes. No, He determines the EXACT times and places that people should live (Acts 17:26). He has numbered the days that each of us will live, both inside and outside the womb.
And most importantly, your baby has a purpose. We don’t serve a willy-nilly God that haphazardly makes things happen. No, He’s a God of purpose. The word of the Lord is clear and unwavering in Isaiah 46:10 where it says, “[D]eclaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.”
Additionally, Job simply states, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” I love this reminder. We may not know our baby’s purpose on this side of heaven, but we can rest in the fact that God has a purpose and His purposes are ALWAYS fulfilled, never thwarted.
Truth #3: Your baby is in Heaven.
Your baby is in Heaven. His/ Her soul went straight from the comfort of the mother’s womb to the Heavenly paradise where there is fullness of joy and eternal life. I’m guessing others may have TOLD you that your baby is in a better place, but I want to spend some time SHOWING you, from scripture, that it is certainly true. Let’s hear Biblical evidence from 2 of the most faithful men in the Old Testament, Job and King David.
Scriptural Proof #1: Job– Job was the most righteous man on Earth during his lifetime. The Bible describes a series of incredible trials that hit Job one after another such as horrible boils, the loss of his children, loss of most of his property, and more. Job chapter 3 records a sorrow-filled presentation of Job’s heart, where he clearly states that dying as a young baby would lead to restful paradise. He believed that it would have been a blessing to die as baby and avoid the hardships of this life.
“Why did I not die at birth?
Why did I not perish when I came from the womb?
Why did the knees receive me?
Or why the breasts, that I should nurse?
For now I would have lain still and been quiet,
I would have been asleep;
Then I would have been at rest
With kings and counselors of the earth,
Who built ruins for themselves,
Or with princes who had gold,
Who filled their houses with silver;
Or why was I not hidden like a stillborn child,
Like infants who never saw light?
(Job 3:11-16)
Pastor Dr. John MacArthur explains, “Job knew that life- even a good, full life- is always marked by a degree of trouble, difficult decisions, personality conflicts, natural disasters, power struggles, hard choices, the pain of suffering, and the rises and falls of various trends and tides. To die as an infant, however, would be to experience nothing but “rest”- a life unmarked and untainted by any twinge of misery, bitterness, difficulty, oppression, or bondage.” (Safe in the Arms of God, page 55)
Scriptural Proof #2: David- David was described as a man after God’s own heart. He wrote most of the Psalms, and certainly had very sound theology. In 2 Samuel, we hear about the birth of David and Bathsheba’s son, who was very sick. In the days after his birth, David fasted and wept in deep sorrow, begging the Lord to heal his son. But after 7 days, the baby died. Immediately, David said in verses 22-23, “While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, “Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?” But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”
Pastor MacArthur explains, David was able to say, “I shall go to him,” because David knew where both he and his infant son were going! He knew that their eternal future was with God [in heaven].”
He also explains to parents dealing with the death of their baby, “Rather than focus on your human loss, look to the eternal gain of your child…rejoice that your child has not known the wickedness of this world. Your child has not struggled against temptation or been subject to the inner pull of sin’s desires.” (Safe in the Arms of God, page 97) If we truly believe in the good news of heaven, we can’t help but rejoice and lift our hands in praise for the mercy of God towards our baby.
Truth #4: Your loss will be used for your good and for God’s glory.
We all have a hard time grasping this 4th truth in the early days after the loss of a child. Now, I’m not saying that miscarriage is a good thing. Any bereaved parents will tell you that pregnancy loss is incredibly hard. But the New Testament book of Romans tells us the sum of God’s plan. It says, “And we know that ALL things work together FOR GOOD to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, emphasis added). Further, it tells us that “For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever.” (Romans 11:36).
So, why did God choose to make your baby? For your good and His glory. And why did God choose to allow this miscarriage to happen? For your good and His Glory.
I’m not going to pretend to understand that statement fully. But I can tell you that I believe it, and I find great rest in it. I know His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways. He is holy and sovereign, and I am not. But I trust His truth. I trust Him. And I trust that one day I will fully understand and praise Him all the more for these trials that broke my heart and made no sense in my human mind. I will see clearly that they were for my good and His glory.
Final Thoughts on Focusing on Truth after a Miscarriage
We are human beings, and it is absolutely okay to have a range of emotions when going through a miscarriage. But I urge you, turn to the God of all Comfort as you walk through the valley. Look to His truths found in His word. Drown out the noise from well-meaning family and friends who just don’t know what to say. When they say such things that don’t align with scripture, let them quickly roll off your back and refocus on truth.
With every additional miscarriage, another piece of my heart feels like it is already in heaven. I loosen my grip on this world a little more. So, I choose to turn to my Refuge and Strength, asking Him for the grace to move through another loss with steady hope. The kind of hope that only comes with knowing the Truth.
So let’s review those truths one more time… Your unborn baby was created in the image of God. From the moment of conception, there was new human life. And that life was created by a good and faithful God. God had great purposes for creating your child, and those purposes cannot be thwarted. While you won’t get to meet your child on your expected due date, as a believer in Christ Jesus, you will meet again in heaven. Because of the righteousness of Christ and no work of your own, you can both enjoy the very real hope of salvation. And while you wait for that day of reunion to come, you can trust that the one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it (1 Thessalonians 5:24).
Taken the morning after we discovered our 6th loss
